Cerberus Howls

The ups and downs of my trigendered life

Man Accused Of Hate Attack On Transgender Woman Blames Language Barrier


A man pleaded not guilty today to assault and hate crime charges in connection with an attack on a transgender woman in San Francisco’s Mission District early Monday morning. Eric Olarte, 32, is accused of an attack that occurred around 2:35 a.m. Monday near Mission and 18th streets.

Because, y’know, most people who don’t speak English go around beating the fuck out of people for no good reason. WTF, I hope this asshole doesn’t get off.

(via b-binaohan-deactivated20140530)

Lost in Headaches: atimbalance: noonaneomuhomo: lostintrafficlights: Sometimes I get mad...




Sometimes I get mad when people say “PoC can’t perpetuate racism”

Yes. Yes they very much can in their home countries.

YES. Honestly we need to amend that oversimplifying statement to “white people, stop whining, you cannot be…

I’ve been thinking about the question: can POC perpetuate racism? and I wonder if there’s still a way we can talk about POC perpetuating racism even in white dominated countries. Because if by “perpetuate” we mean “make something continue indefinitely”, then it seems to me that POC can very much perpetuate racism when they embrace the White racist mindset and apply it to themselves and other races, especially other POC.

For instance, it’s pretty obvious to me that not all POC are discriminated against equally. For instance, while Asians get a whole lot of personal bullshit, we don’t, as a whole, get nearly as fucked up institutionally as Native Americans. Which creates the conditions where POC-A who are better of than other POC-B (Asians and Native Americans respectively in this example) are encouraged to continue the racism that bears down on POC-B. Concretely (continuing the example), Asians in some position of relative power might choose to support laws that prevent Native Americans from flourishing because they either realise that, within systems of inequality, keeping one group down helps keep your group up or they have just internalised all the white bullshit about Native Americans.

We saw this in history when the Irish (who were initially not considered white in America) played themselves off black and Chinese Americans with the result that they eventually came to be part of the white majority (even if not as fully as WASPs). 

This isn’t to say that I blame POC who perpetuate racism—they do so, after all, because they have been conditioned by the racist world they live in. But it is to say that ignoring the racism we do perpetuate as POC plays right into the hands of the White supremacists who find it much easier to be oppressive when those they oppress oppress themselves.

Does that make sense? Or am I just conjuring up BS?

That’s what makes you beautiful

I was dancing in the club with a girl. I’m not that great at picking out what people say in loud situations, so most of the conversation was lost on me, but I do know this. She kept telling me I was beautiful and at one point she said: “I mean, obviously you’re transexual [which isn’t actually true], but that’s what makes you beautiful”.

My feelings on this statement bounced back and forth. The “obviously” kind of bummed me out, because I like to think I do at least a decent job of passing, but the rest of it intrigued me.

Beautiful not because I’m a woman. Beautiful because I’m transgendered.

In a cultural world where beauty is monopolised by women, especially of the waif-like white  and “exotic” East-Asian variety, the idea that I could have been beautiful without even passing as a woman is a queer sort of idea.

I’ve often associated my own beauty with things about me that are feminine. And when I dress up, I try my best to pass. But this idea that someone could be beautiful not for passing but for being trans* suggests that maybe I need to rethink my own ideas of beauty.

Maybe the world would be a better place if we could see that all of us, in our different shapes and sizes and dresses, are just a little bit beautiful.

Walking the dog

It’s really hard to look nonchalant when walking a fifty-eight pound mass of pure of energy. Just so you know.


This is Anya. She looks all innocent like, but she’s a devil.
 Anya and I take walks around the neighbourhood. Recently i’ve started walking her dressed as a woman. I don’t know why, but this makes me more nervous than usual. Not nervous in a “i’m-gonna-get-the-shit-kicked-out-of-me” way. Just nervous to be recognised.

I’m ok coming out to close friends. I’m ok coming out to complete strangers. But it’s the people who only sort of know me whom I’m apprehensive about.

I try to look calm about it, but as I’ve said, this is difficult when a crazy dog is trying to yank your arm off.

But i tell myself that I just need to get used to this and that one day the nervousness will dissolve into nothingness. Hopefully I’m right :)

This is me as a woman. Just so you know.

This is me as a woman. Just so you know.

Trigendered Me

A man, woman, and androgyne walk into a bar. I said “Ow”.

If you want to know what trigendered means, check out the wikipedia page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trigender. If you want to know what being trigendered means to me, check out this tumblr. Because, seeing as I’m a typical twenty-first century narcissist, I feel like people should know about my life. It’s way more interesting than yours ;)

I am male. I cross dress a lot. I’m attracted to women. I love being a woman. I’m emotionally androgynous.

I live in West Michigan (which is super middle–upper-middle class Christian) and go to a conservativish seminary. Which, I can guarantee you, is a blast.

More will follow :)